Fallen Angel

The following post is a bit more personal than I ever intended for this blog, but many family and friends have asked for a copy of something I recently wrote, and I thought this would be a good way to share it. Also, as with LTC Mac, my modest little blog is a place where I can pay my respects to people this world is now bereft of. Relatively few people may ever read it, but still, it’s out there for the world to see. It’s the least I can do to pay a humble tribute to people who deserve much, much more.

I recently lost the most beloved woman in my life- my mother. Her parting from this world is still a shock to me, though she battled with breast cancer for over a year. The last few months were very hard, and I am glad she is in a better place now, free of pain and suffering. Though I am in a combat zone, and I went home once already on emergency leave when my family thought her time was very near, my Commander was kind enough to let me fly home for her memorial service. After I returned to Iraq, we were all amazed (including the hospice nurses) that she was still hanging on because her medical condition was so deteriorated. She clung to life for six more weeks, and then she left this world one sun-filled morning. The day I found out, I had a hard time concentrating, or speaking to anyone without crying for that matter. The people in my unit were so supportive that it broke my heart. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop the tears. It frightened me. The reality of never being able to hug her again or hear her voice on the telephone was overwhelming, although I had been preparing for that moment for months. I found the strength to bottle those feelings up until I was surrounded by my family and could deal with her loss appropriately.

The memorial was at Christ the King Church in New Orleans. Father Jose presides over that church, and he knew and loved my mother as well. The church was damaged by Hurricane Katrina, so they had set up a room for their Sunday services. The memorial was on a Saturday, a beautiful chilly day down on which the sun smiled gloriously and a brisk wind kept our collars up. About four hundred family members and friends gathered in a modest room, and we sat on plastic chairs that were arranged like pews. My immediate family sat in the front. There was a short Catholic mass, and Father Jose tailored the benediction around my mother’s life and death. His words were quite moving, and tears flowed like holy water in that room. After the mass, my oldest sister stepped up to the podium and read the following eulogy which I wrote the night before. I have omitted some of the names in order to keep the relative anonymity of this blog intact:

Thank you for joining us today to honor the life of a wonderful mother, daughter, sister, wife, and friend - Florence D. K. She had the smile of a saint, and eyes filled with kindness. People that were close to her called her Flo. We lost Flo a week ago today, but we know she is still here with us in spirit. She was an angel on earth, and now she fans her wings gently, hovering around us, her big brown eyes more beautiful and vibrant than ever. Flo symbolizes the Eternal Caretaker, the Perpetual Mother, the Angel of Love. She was also the world’s greatest listener. No soul had more affection and sympathy for her fellow human beings. She was so very unselfish - So caring - So divine. Flo epitomized the verse from the book of Acts, which says "It is more blessed to give than to receive."

Flo’s giving heart was not only caused by her natural motherly instincts - it was there since the day she was born. It was there before she was born. As a young girl, Flo helped to take care of her big family, doing laundry and cooking and cleaning. When she was only a teenager, she met Lee K. Jr., the classic tough guy, and they fell in love. They were married for 51 years, had three children, and seven grandchildren. They stood by each other through good times and bad, bright days and dark.

Their first born was a girl named Chrystal. She remembers a time a few years back when she had just moved into her first apartment as an adult. It was the first time she truly had her own place. She still had boxes everywhere she needed to unpack, but was leaving for California the next morning. Everybody knew that Flo cherished her evenings, the slow hours after the sun sets when she would spend time with her husband. Flo and L talked, and of course they agreed that Flo would go over and help Chrystal out that night. She didn't have to. Chrystal was a grown woman, and would have gotten everything done in good time. But Flo wanted to. That’s how she was. So mother and daughter stayed up until two in the morning, talking, packing, and unpacking. Flo really knew how to make a home feel like a home. They fell asleep, and Chrystal recalls waking up and looking at her mother lying beside her and feeling so blessed. Flo was back at it by 5:30 the next morning. She helped Chrystal get the car packed and brought her to the airport. When Chrystal got back in town, her mom and dad had tended to her apartment, done some painting, and decorated it for Christmas. Again- they didn't have to. They just did. This was one of the many times Chrystal felt so lucky and overwhelmed by the love of her mother and father.

A couple of years after Chrystal was born, they had another daughter, Tammy. She recalls a time when she had a big decision to make. She had been in New Orleans her whole life, and didn't even like to drive across the Mississippi River at times. This was a big one. She was thinking about moving to New York. She would be away from home, in one of the busiest cities in the world, for the first time in her life. Tammy was lucky to have a mom like Flo, and she knew it. She called her and said, "Mom, I need a pep talk." Within minutes, Flo could have you feeling confident and energized, ready to face the world. When Tammy moved, Flo saw her off, and had the Frank Sinatra song "New York, New York" playing on the stereo. She called Tammy religiously, because even though the miles separated them, Flo knew how to help. In fact, Flo had the gift of gab, and did some of her best work over the telephone. She made it easier for Tammy to deal with the transition, being so far away. She told her second child, "Go, Tammy. do this. Live your life. I'm so proud of you." Flo and Lee referred to the Frank Sinatra song when they talked to Tammy, saying, “If you can make it there, honey, you’ll make it anywhere.”

Flo and Lee always wanted a son. So, ten years after they had Tammy, they had Lee the 3rd {that’s me}. Mom and Dad called him "Little Lee” when he was young. If father and son were both in the room, and Flo would say "Lee," they would always tease her, asking "which one?" A couple of years after high school he left home and joined the Army to begin his own adventure. He’s been in and out of the Army since 1992, and has traveled around the world and around the country. But it didn’t matter if he was living in Montana, Georgia, Utah, or serving with the Army in Iraq- his mom never let him get lonely or down. She constantly sent him things he needed, some things he didn’t need, 20 bucks here, fifty bucks there, just to help him out when she could. He’s been away from New Orleans for almost 15 years now, but no matter where he’s lived, Flo and Lee always helped to make him feel right at home through their unconditional love and constant support.

Besides her husband, and her children and grandchildren, Flo had another big priority in her life - Her brothers and sisters and their extended families. She talked about them daily, and could be heard virtually every night of her life talking to one of them on the phone, gossiping, making plans, extending her support. She has literally spent days and weeks next to hospital beds and visiting their homes, doing whatever she could to help her family and express her undying love. She cared very deeply about what happened to the people in her family tree, and was proud of where she came from. Flo was always putting others first. She would give you the shirt off her back, her last dollar, or even her husband's last dollar if it meant helping someone out of a bind.

Words cannot even begin to express the magnitude of giving she had in her heart, and we have all seen countless examples of it. She has touched so many lives, inspired so many friends. She would lie in her bed at night and worry, not about herself, but about everyone else. If you had a problem, or needed some help, there was nothing she wouldn't do. Everyone knew they could turn to Flo. She would always be there.

When Flo became sick, at the age of 68, people responded and tried to show her how much she meant to them. Like I said, she touched a lot of lives. For a while she didn't really want many visitors. This was not because she didn't appreciate their concern. She was just private about her illness, and didn't want others to see her and worry. But more than anything, more than anyone, in her sickness she always wanted one thing - her husband- the love of her life. And she got him. He cared for her with such gentle affection and patient love. He protected her and cherished her as only he could. And he was with her in her final moments. She departed this world exactly as she wanted, with her husband at her side, praying with her, holding her hand.

Flo had a strong faith. She prayed each and every day. She used to say that "Faith and fear don't mix, honey." Because of her, countless prayers have been said on all of our behalves. I know she is still praying for us now. She loved to read her bible and her inspirational poems. When she found one she liked she would make copies and mail them out. She gave one of these to her grand-daughter, Trisha. I'd like to read it to you now. It's called "I'm Free:"

Don't grieve for me now for I am free

I'm following the path God has laid, you see

I took his hand when I heard him call

I turned my back and left it all

I could not stay another day to laugh, to love, to work, or play

Tasks left undone must stay that way

I found that place at the close of the day

If my parting has left a void, then fill it with remembered joys

A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss

Oh yes these things I will surely miss

Be not burdened with times of sorrow

I wish you all the sunshine of tomorrow

My life's been full, I savored much

Good friends, good times, a loved ones' touch

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief

Don't lengthen it now with undo grief

Lift up your hearts and peace to Thee

God wanted me now; He set me free!

Yes, the world is a little smaller now- a little darker. But the sun will still rise in the East, the rivers will still flow, and the flowers in Flo's garden will still flourish. As we live our lives we must remember the gift Flo gave us. The gift of love. And we must understand that "Death comes to us all, but great achievements build a monument which shall endure until the sun grows cold." Flo's great achievement was a life filled with love and giving. This world is a better place because of her, and her memory will always brighten even our darkest days.

Do not cry for Flo. She wouldn't want that. Just smile at her memory and pray for her loved ones. As her husband said, "Flo caught the express train straight to heaven." She wanted to come to this world to help others, to make the world a better place, and to teach us all something. And she has. And she always will. Now she is in a place where there is no pain, no suffering, and no hardship. The gift of her life is evident in each little story we re-tell, and sweet memories left unsaid. So please, tell your stories, let the world remember this glorious spirit we all know and love. Look around you. Even in death, Flo is still working her magic - bringing people together.

You are truly a force of Nature Flo - like the setting of the sun or a summer rain. We're proud of you. Thank you. Thank you. And thank you again for all that you have given us, and all that have done. Goodbye for now, Florence D. K., you precious spirit - we will live our lives the best we can, try to give more than we receive, and see you again at a time of God's choosing.

We love you precious mother.

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