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2006: Year of the Eternal Optimist
My Battalion had a good year in 2005. We haven’t lost a single soldier. We have lost fellow soldiers in our Brigade, and even a soldier from back home. We have attended memorial services here on the FOB, and been surrounded by death and violence, but we have been blessed. *knocking on wood here* Our situation is a rarity in this area. We spent 6 months training up, and we have now been in the deadliest place in Iraq for 6 months. Yes, we’ve had injuries. We’ve had a lot of close calls. Our soldiers have been hit by a lot of IEDs, a truckload of mortar and rocket attacks, RPGs, and sniper fire. We have been called upon to support the Brigade in countless missions in cities and villages of the Al Anbar Province. We send soldiers outside the wire everyday on logistical convoys and combat missions. Some of our soldiers have been sent home from shrapnel wounds.
Life is tough. It’s a hard knocks life. Reality bites. Nothing good ever happens to me. I just have bad luck. Life’s a b$@#*& and then you die.We’ve all heard the plethora of tired, over-used clichés that are rooted in an inherent pessimistic disposition towards life and the world in general. Well, I disagree. You might call me the world’s undying optimist. But my optimism is not rooted in naiveté, or some blind goofy warmth towards all things on God’s green earth – it’s simply the barometer of my life thus far, my scope of experience. I am only 34, but I’ve lived in many places and been through a lot. I have bad days, bad mornings, and bad years just like everyone else. I get hurt. People disappoint me. I know what it’s like to be flat broke. I know what it’s like to watch my mother shrivel away from breast cancer. I know what its like to have a family that is so dysfunctional some of them haven’t spoken in years. I understand firsthand how hard a marriage is to manage from 7000 miles away, and I feel in my bones the true emotional challenge of being separated from my children for prolonged periods of time. I know what it feels like to fly into enemy territory. I have jumped out of airplanes and rappelled out of helicopters. I have cried alone in the night, and laughed incessantly at some silly joke. I have been in a convoy on the streets of downtown Ramadi, slowing down to cross a median littered with debris that all has a pretty good possibility of exploding. I have been awoken many mornings by the sound of enemy mortars landing within 100 meters of my bed. Like all of you - I have known sadness, and I have known joy.
But even in the middle of a war, I can reach into a solemn place that I have built up over the years. Its walls are papered with every letter I’ve ever written or received, every word unspoken, and the pages from every book I’ve read. Its roof is constructed of all the hardships I’ve endured, the filaments of each remembered pain. The floor is a foundation of joy and fulfillment - of being a parent. I can seek this place and nourish myself with an adrenaline rush of inspiration. I don’t mean some phony “all is well in the world” numbness, but rather a determined, “I shall prevail,” and a pure undeniable knowledge that no matter what happens, I will pull through it. This attitude also bleeds over into my military life. With a strong team, good training, and the right kind of aggressive optimism, hell –there’s nothing we can’t accomplish. Perhaps this ability allows me to be so positive in life.
Maybe I’m unrealistic, but I don’t think so. I have done a lot of critical thinking and reading on the subjects of optimism and pessimism, and neither seems to dwell more in reality than the other. I find both to be a general and subjective state of mind, the cumulative effects of which can have huge impacts on mental health and quality of life. When I say quality of life, I don’t refer to the size of your home, or your tax bracket – I refer to the clarity or peace of mind you have when you lay in the dark all alone and try to find sleep. I am a realist. I don’t deny the power of people and events to bring me down – I just don’t let them. Optimism is not simply a word - it's a state of mind.
Optimism 1. a tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions. 2. the belief that good will ultimately triumph over evil.
Pessimism 1. the tendency to see only what is gloomy or to anticipate the worst 2. the belief that the evil in the world outweighs any goodness.
I know the world is a violent place. I know my children have many challenges before them, some of which even I cannot protect them from. I know the people I love will not live forever. I know horrible tragedies and bloodshed occur daily all around the world. I know nothing is certain, and that all can be lost in a second. And I know that things can always get worse. And yet, I believe that Iraq will prosper. I believe there is a purpose to all things, and that includes this war.
I believe in God. I believe in the afterlife. I believe that synchronicity has a meaning I have yet to understand. I know I will return home to my children and protect them and guide them through a wonderful childhood. I know my mother will be in a better place when she passes. I know that marriage is a learning experience, whether it succeeds or fails. I believe that silence is indeed golden, and that a slant of sunlight seen through the leaves of Cyprus tree in a thick forest on a summer afternoon – or that same sunlight falling on a young Iraqi or American boy's face as he stands half in the sun, half in the shade of his home, looking out at his world – is a singularly divine thing.
You may think I’m a foolish romantic, or you may just think I’m a fool. That's okay. But right, wrong, or indifferent, I can always pull myself out of a funk – always find the the bright side of a thing, the encouraging words. I don’t just think the glass is half full - I know the damn glass is half full. I am proud to be a father and a soldier in this fight. And I suppose that’s just the way my mother raised me – the eternal optimist. So another year has passed. I’m missing Kindergarten, but I’m gaining other experience that I can share with my children. And they’ll be back in my arms later this year, so I can begin doing just that. 2006 will be a year of positive change in so many ways.
So it has been said, and so it shall be.
For now we’ll keep fighting, keep working, keep our heads down, try not to watch the clock too much, and complete our part of the mission we came here to do. There are a lot of Soldiers working fervently each and every day on your behalf. And they’re not complaining. Happy New Year from the Al Anbar Province. May the wind be always at your back, and may you be a positive force in your own life and those you know.
"Dream delivers us to dream, and there is no end to illusion. Life is a train of moods like a string of beads, and as we pass through them they prove to be many-colored lenses which paint the world their own hue, and each shows only what lies in its focus. From the mountain you see the mountain. We animate what we can, and we see only what we animate. Nature and books belong to the eyes that see them. It depends on the mood of the man whether he shall see the sunset or the fine poem. " Experience, by Ralph Waldo Emerson
As always, you leave me in awe. Great post. I have been moving toward
optimism, and it is indeed a wonderful thing.
Thank you for your optimism in a world that is full of the pessimistic.
Thank you for being an inspiration to those around you (at least in
cyberspace!) =) I love your blog, so keep on writing! Never forget how
much we love all of you, nor how proud we are!!!!!! Happy New Year LT!
Good words, good attitude and inspiring.
You sound like one helluva leader LT. Take care, watch your back and know
I'll be praying for you and all our Warriors safe return to your families.
God Bless.
Romantic fool?? Not even close! Attitude is everything, and with your
attitude, you will have no time for dispair.
Lt. K, An excellant post. I too prefer to think of the glass as half full.
That philosphy has carried me through some hard times and some good times.
But whatever times we experience, they are what determines who we are. You
are an inspiring leader, I am sure. Your kind of example and leadership
helps save the lives of your men. Keep it up sir. If you ever do feel that
the glass is starting to look half empty, send me an email and dump to your
heart's content. I have big shoulders.
You are wise beyond your years,God Bless you and all our war fighters.God
Bless this great country.
Happy New Year to you as well, Lt K. I am right there with you on the
optimism side, not that I can claim to have experiences to compare with
yours. But while we can't always control the actions of others, we can
control our attitude about them. Positive is better than negative - the
force is much stronger!
Thank you Lieutenant K. Your entry, 2006 year of the eternal optimist was
more inspiring than anything I have read for a very long time. You reached
the depths of my very being with it. I wish every person living could read
and understand what you wrote. What a gift you are to your mother.
Three months and a half have elapsed since you wrote that. Even if it s a
bit too late, i wish you a happy 2006 year. Most of all, i wish you the
happiest July month of your life ! You re so right to be an incurable
optimistic romantic person ! Let s have a look at the world : political
angle ? never so many nations have been democracies. economical angle ?
never so many people have been enjoying such a high standard of material
life. Ecolological angle is not so good and anyway this is boring so let s
change topics ! You are right. There are good sides in every situation.
When you re out of this hell, you ll remember the solidarity between you
and your brother soldiers. You ll remember the smile of the kid whom you
gave the soccer ball to. You ll remember the blurring of light on the iraqi
desert and you ll appreciate every minute of gazing at a sunset in Utah.
But don t forget too much what you ve been through. Don t forget it because
you need to remember what you went through and what you gave already to the
world if a day comes and you re asked again to go and fight. You did your
share. You re still earning the right to be selfish and let other ones go.
And good writters are few. We can t read only the dead Melville and Twain
and Hawthorne. We also need the living Irving and Conroy and Wordsmith. So
don t change anything in what you are. Don t modify anything in what you
believe. You re simply unbelievable.
Love from francoise